ฦ๐“”๐“ท๐“ญ๐“ต๐“ฎ๐“ผ๐“ผ♡๐“’๐“ฑ๐“ธ๐“ช๐“ผเฉฉ

 Today 10/19/24


~Frustrating to say the least


~Pointless


~Wasted


~Bored----Scared of getting trapped in my thoughts


Feeling unappreciated…..IT IS ALREADY STARTING…..

=Not enough. .......Never enough.......Why


Thoughts have over taken....what if's, whys....






Tomorrow⇎10/20/24


Should have known.......


Same feeling every time.

I will never be "enough"  Or  Do "enough"


I understand that and accept it.  However the heart break never goes away.


Instantly walking on egg shells.   Mood changed as quickly as the snap of my fingers. 


I am  Constantly wondering what I did wrong even when your not mad.


My head may explode......or possibly melt.


This is not what I planned, or even closely  envisioned. 


This is what I have though. 


There has been a lot of highs and a lot of lows, and a million and one thing to do differently, I still would not change a single thing.


Every week you find a reason to pick a fight.  


I keep telling you......

......I am not ok......I am tired......drained

....that something is wrong.


Stop twisting my words, feelings, and emotions or telling me what I am going through~You have no clue.


My thoughts alone continuously try to drown me on a daily basis..Heads up; currently they are winning.

There is barely any fight left in me.     I have a lot less to say.......

Mentally I have made peace  with leaving this earth and you should know that I am ready.

Physically numb, tired of trying. Mentally drowning in my thoughts.

 ~I Am Almost out of breath~.

OCTOBER 24,/2024


I CRAVE INTIMACY, SECURITY, STABILITY.  AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE WHY IS THIS ASKING TO MUCH.  I HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT OPEN HONEST AND LOYAL.  THE INTIMACY I DON’T THINK WILL EVER RETURN, I'M NOT SURE YOU WILL EVER FULLY REGAIN CERTAIN TRUST EVER AGAIN. GETTING OVER IT. MOVING PAST IT, STARTING OVER.  I AM SORRY I JUST CANT.  STARTING OVER THAT ONE THERE LET ME SAY…..







MY STRUGGLE ON A DAILY BASIS HAS BECOME A ROUTINE I CAN NOT BREAK MAKING ME CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE FOR THE SECOND TIME IN MY LIFE.

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