Drowning Alive

Women in a time of need typically call for their mom and mom helps them navigate through life right?  Well what do you do when you don't have that luxury?  Who do you turn to?  Your best friend? Family...what family?  I tried that, he still doesn't understand that these feelings are overwhelming and taking over at this point.  Now what do I do? Who do I turn to?  I have been drowning in my own thoughts, and this thing called life for years.  I feel used and thrown away like a piece of trash, worthless, and don't know what direction to turn in or what to do anymore. - Suck it up, move on, figure it out....I just can't anymore.  For the first time in my life I am standing here (alone) asking "What about me? Do I matter? Hell do I even really care anymore?"  I don't know who I am anymore or what I am doing in life and though asking for help has been done, it doesn't seem that anyone believes that I don't want to feel this way, however it just won't go away.  Standing here dumb founded and clueless is just not me, how I am suppose to continue to function like this?  -I hate it!-  Me--I  have disappeared and now I am left wondering how much longer before I can't convince myself to get out bed anymore (it gets harder & later everyday)?  I am truly scared of giving up but damn it I am tired.  Will I ever get-find-be myself again?  I am battling this on my own and do not know how much more fight I have left in me.  --I never would have thought I would have ever lost my fight but what is there to fight for...nobody has/or is fighting/fought for me?

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